Is this grief?
Updated: 5 days ago
Grief isn't only about losing a loved one to death. People can grieve the loss of nearly anything. Grief can also come with major change. Recently I was speaking with a woman who hadn't realized that what she was feeling was grief. Following a major accident, she was mourning the loss of the body and mind she had before she was greatly injured. She was also mourning the loss of the dog she used to have. Her dog is still alive, though now much older, not well, and nearly bedridden, its not the puppy she adopted all those years ago. Of course, she still loves her dog. Of course she still cares for her dog. And she finds herself missing the personality and youthful energy of the pup that has grown older and more fragile. Perhaps she is feeling a reflection since her injury.
Many years ago, I met an artist. She had started writing a novel several years before we met and had given up on the project. The writing had been set aside and quite a while later, having switched to a new artform, this author had taken each page of the book and created an art installation of it by making an origami crane out of the pages. It was a beautiful exhibit. I remember telling her that as a reader and writer myself, I felt a little sad that I would never get to read her book though the display was gorgeous. She thanked me paused before saying, "you know, since I opened this exhibit, and have been talking with others about it, I realize I'm a little sad too. I've realized I have some mourning to do over my novel."
No one gets to tell you what is or is not worthy of grief. We've bottled emotions that we've assumed were too small to call grief or were told were unworthy of the title. Someone said something like, "it's only a cat, you'll get over it."
"At least your dog is still alive, what are you complaining about."
"Yes, it's sad that you were injured, but at least you're still alive."
If there is grief in your heart, no one has the right to tell you what to mourn or how to mourn. Some of us are under serious levels of stress or illness because we have not processed our grief. So mourn your losses, whatever they are and however feels right to you. If it takes hours, days, or years, its okay. And remember, there is someone out there who is experiencing a similar grief. You are never alone.
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